Is cupid’s arrow aimed at you and your partner this February? Looking for fresh date ideas? Valentine’s Day is quickly approaching and often stirs an assortment of opinions and emotions. As a therapist, I try to see past the consumer pressures of Saint Valentine’s controversial holiday. I aim to help my clients to focus on this opportunity to reconnect with one another and indulge in some romance.
Coming up with creative and impressive date ideas can be stressful. I encourage simplicity and dates that serve as a genuine expression of the love you hold for your partner. Skip the fancy restaurant and extravagant gifts. Take this opportunity to tune into what makes your relationship unique. Here I share a few date ideas with the intention of bringing you closer to your partner this Valentine’s Day.

Date Idea #1: First Date Re-Do

Do you remember your first date with your romantic partner? Do you remember the details of the date; what you wore, where you went, what activities you did, what you ate? Re-enacting your first date with your partner can be a romantic way to show your partner how important they are to you.

On your first date were you
wracked with nerves as you got ready for the night ahead? Did you get butterflies in your stomach when you made physical contact with him/her? These feelings of anxiety that we experience at the beginning of a relationship actually increase our chances of bonding with a person we find attractive. The release of adrenaline tells our body that this is an exciting event. Nothing like the roller coaster of love! This date was important to you and it led to future dates, and eventually a relationship, so why not celebrate it?

Research by Dr. John Gottman indicates that when couples think about the beginnings of their relationship in a positive light, they are reminded of the valuable attributes of their partner and what made them fall in love. By re-enacting your first date you and your partner will be able to reminisce about the early stages of your relationship and what drew you to the each other. Discussing what the first date was like for each of you may reveal details that the other had never known before, and ignite some of the initial excitement of early dating. Plus, your first date is unique to you as a couple, no one else has had the exact date, and this makes it special and something only you and your partner share.

Date Idea #2: Your Favourites

When couples go for the “fancy restaurant dinner date” for Valentine’s Day they sometimes push
themselves out of their comfort zone, leading to a date full of expectations and pressure to have the “perfect” date. This can make the date uncomfortable and not as rewarding in the romance department.

Instead, try filling your date with your and your partner’s favourite things. Where is your favourite location to eat as a couple? What is your favourite activity? Your favourite movie, dessert, music? By engaging in activities that are already associated with happy memories and positive feelings you set yourself up to enjoy your date with your partner, without all the pressure of having the “ideal” date. Spending the afternoon walking in your favourite park, drinking your favourite hot beverage, followed by dinner at your favourite pizza joint, and an evening snuggled watching your favourite movie may trump competing for dinner reservations with the rest of the city of lovers.

An added benefit is if you can surprise your partner by including some of their favourites in your Valentine’s Day date, showing that you know them well. This shows your partner that you care about them and were thoughtful in planning your date together.

Date Idea #3: Try Something New

One of the benefits of Valentine’s Day is the chance it gives you to focus on your relationship. You’re able to set aside the daily stresses and nurture your love. So, why not create new memories together? Opportunities to create new memories with your partner are great for building on the sense of “we-ness” you have in your relationship. This will be something for you to look back on in the future as a unique part of your relationship. New experiences can be exciting, especially if they’re new for both you and your partner. From a relationship perspective, couples sharing a new experience are in it together, which can create feelings of solidarity and emotional bonding.

New activities also provide opportunities for light-hearted joking and laughs as you watch each other learn, stumble, and achieve. You’ll be able to look back and share inside jokes about how your partner burnt the flan at your cooking class or wiped out learning to rollerblade. Fun times 🙂

[themify_quote] Intimacy and connection within your relationship are important to strive for throughout the year, not just at Valentine’s Day[/themify_quote]

Date Idea #4: Love Map Building 20 Questions

John Gottman describes a Love Map as the mental understanding we have about our partner
and what makes him or her tick as an individual. Remember all those questions you asked each other when you were first getting to know one another?You were building your love map! As relationships evolve and day-to-day life becomes the main focus, we often forget to continue to update our love maps. Everyday life can lead to conversations about household responsibilities, basic events, neglecting the deeper parts of who your partner is as an individual.

By taking the time to learn intimate details about your partner you improve the bond you share as a couple. It also adds to your understanding of one another. We all enjoy when others are interested in us, so a date that allows you to focus on intimate details of one another’s lives is a great idea. It can lead to feelings of closeness, mutual appreciation, and a sense of being important in your partner’s life.

The beauty of this game is it can be played wherever you choose to celebrate Valentine’s Day. You can either purchase the Love Map cards from the Gottman Relationship Institute or create your own questions. What have you always wanted to know about your partner? There are no right or wrongs to this game, just be curious and imaginative.

Remember, intimacy and connection within your relationship are important to strive for throughout the year, not just at Valentine’s Day. Thoughtful date planning is a wonderful way to attend to the health of your relationship and can be done any day of the week. Parallel Wellness wishes you and your Valentine a happy Valentine’s Day, with encouragement for greater connection and love!

~ Meredith of Parallel Wellness

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